This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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