Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize