____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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