His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
