dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do vagina's smell?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize