Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize