You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
