NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
