32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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