Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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