Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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