I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
