all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
