Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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