I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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