I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
