I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
