I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
