She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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