If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
