Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
