wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize