I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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