Your tits are I can't wait for
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
