Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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