Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

My Higher Power is John Stamos

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(415): View more from California

I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.

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(586): View more from Michigan

so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside

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(785): View more from Kansas

one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation

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(636): View more from Missouri

Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.

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(530): View more from California

On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.

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(518): View more from New York

I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up

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