hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
