I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
