i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
