I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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