don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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