I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
