If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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