sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
