she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
