Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
