I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
