Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
