my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
