and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
