it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
