i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
