These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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