What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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