i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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