Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
