I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
