I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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