This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
