That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
