Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
