thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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