some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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