She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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