oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
