How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
