I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
