I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize