he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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