If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
