Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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