This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
