Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
is that a dick in a sweater?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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