I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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