Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
