4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize