ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
