this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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