it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
