we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
