does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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