planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
